Last month I shared the challenges of the on-line dating process—Tell the World Who You Are – In 3 Photos or Less.
The above picture was taken by my niece (thanks KF) on our Christmas vacation and it is one I will include. However, as I now wear glasses more frequently and as I believe in truth in advertising, I needed some photos of me wearing my various glasses.
So, this past month I have participated in a couple of “photo-shoots” with the help of my supportive girlfriends. I have learned one thing about photo-shoots – they are more fun if mimosas are involved.
But photos are just Part One. Part Two is to write about yourself and what you are looking for in a potential date.
After talking with various friends who have experience with these issues, I have decided I will join Our Time which is a dating site that markets itself for singles 50 and older. (That be me.) They have three categories you have to fill out: In a Nutshell (describing yourself); The One I am Looking For (describing qualities important to you); and a final section titled: I’d Just Like to Add.
I googled topics such as “writing a dating online profile” …. and even though the articles were intimidating, I am a woman who has practice with the written word so I thought I could handle this part.
But then…… Our Time made a change to their site that challenged even me.
Beginning this past January, Our Time started limiting you to 140 characters for each section. 140 characters – that includes letters, spaces, and punctuation marks.
What does that look like? It looks like this…….
Xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xx xxxxxxxxx xxx xxxxx. X xxxxxxxxx xxx xxxx xxxxxx xxx xxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx xxx xxxxxx, xxxxxxx xxxxxx xxx xxxxxx.
Basically….. 2 sentences…… which means every word must count.
Being a research-oriented type of person, I asked some of my guy friends to give me a list of 5-10 words or phrases they would find attractive in a profile. After all, I would not want to waste any space saying I love to read if that would not be on someone’s top 10.
After some discussion, I realized the meaning of some words could be a bit fuzzy due to “personal interpretation”. For example, one friend included the word “adventuresome” in his top ten.
I do view my going on three trips by myself to Europe (no tour guide…just me and my carry-on suitcase) as evidence that I can be adventuresome. But I also know some people who would think it would be adventuresome to go white water rafting in the North Georgia Mountains. I do not view that as adventuresome.
I view that as fulfilling a death wish and I would never go white water rafting.
NEVER – EVER.
So, I decided to avoid the word “adventuresome”.
Another friend said I should use the word “bubbly” when describing myself….. and I have also had others tell me I am perky. And whereas that may be true, it makes me sound like an 18-year old Barbie Cheerleader Doll looking for the Ken Doll.
I am not 18 years old….. I am not Barbie….. and I never liked Ken.
And of course, what do you say about appearance—his or mine? Apparently there are a lot of women looking for “toned and athletic” men….. as I am not toned nor athletic, it seems a bit hypocritical to seek such. And how do I describe me physically – tall and slenderish – but should I prepare my date in advance for the age appropriate twinkly around-the-eye wrinkles and other failing body parts?
And what am I looking for? The two men in my life—my ex-husband and my ex-fiancé—were totally different….. in personality and looks. They were total opposites. So, what do I want this time?
And what kind of relationship do I want? Serious? Casual? I married at age 22; divorced at age 57; started dating my ex-fiancé at age 61; and broken engagement at age 64. So, for the last 45+ years of my life, the only two relationships I had were—serious.
How does one do casual? I do not know what that looks like. But after the last turbulent ten years of my personal life, would I? could I? take the emotional and financial risk of being in a serious relationship again?
As I write these words, the reality is once again I am headed into uncharted (for me) waters. And my head starts spinning. And I want to run.
When leads to some challenging words spoken to me last week by a friend at work. He stopped by my office and was getting an “not-online-dating-yet” update and I told him I had just gotten new glasses and I wanted to wait and take pictures wearing them and I had not done that yet and I was thinking I would also wait and get past St. Patrick’s Day before I went online and other blah blah blah.
He looked at me and raised one eyebrow and reminded me I had told him I was going to get past Valentine’s Day before I went online and he made a few other comments and then he paused and basically said I was going to run out of holidays and he thought I was making excuses and I would probably not do this.
I hate it when my friends nail me like that.
So, note to BR and my other friends …… I am going on record …… I have a minor procedure (nothing of long-lasting consequence) scheduled for March 5th that I need to get past but after that and before ST. Patrick’s Day arrives, I will complete the final steps…. sign up and post my pictures and text….. and, as of now, this is what I would say…….
In A Nutshell – 137 CHARACTERS – I enjoy being on-the-go (travel, entertaining, outdoor fun) but also love quiet dinner conversation while lingering over a glass of wine.
The One I Am Looking For – 136 Characters – Has a laugh-at-life sense of humor; sees the glass ¾ full; a strong faith; enjoys learning and exploring; desires a caring relationship.
I’d Just Like to Add – 138 Characters – Outward appearance is important but being a thoughtful and kind person who has strong relationships with family/friends is more important.
I have no idea as to where this will lead…but it is time to get out of the boat and get wet.
If nothing else….perhaps by St. Patrick’s Day, I will be drinking green beer with a charming Irishman in a pub somewhere!
It could become my favorite holiday.
See you next month………….
Girlfriend photo shoots—with more possible girlfriend photo shoots in the future and I still may ask my son to add another picture using his fancy camera……..